Throughout history, intelligence has been one of the most universally valued qualities by society. Our education system for example, focuses on math, science, history, and literature from grade school until graduation. If you decide to pursue college, you can expect 2-8 more years of the same.
These are important subjects, and have a lot of application in the modern world. They’re important to learn, but they only strengthen one type of intelligence.
When you enter the real world, you realize right away that book smarts isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. I used to believe the smartest person in the room was the one in charge. Sometimes, that was the case, but more times than not, it wasn’t. Most of the time, the smartest people were reporting to men and women of a different breed of intelligence. These were the men and women who had real influence because they mastered something that they don’t teach in school – emotional intelligence. (EQ)
People with high EQ understand that influence comes through emotion. Every decision that’s made no matter how logical it seems, is driven by feelings. People with high EQ know themselves and their emotional pattern so well, that by default, they understand others well too. This is what allows them date whomever them want, successfully run businesses, take on positions of power, and much more.
Mastering your emotions allows you to take back control of your life. This gives you the power to make amazing transformation happen in every part of your life. As a man, it helps you become much more grounded, calm, and certain in yourself. This boosts your masculine edge in an attractive and powerful way. It also gives you a major edge in influencing others without manipulation, as you can genuinely speak to their emotional reality, desires, and fears in a meaningful way. The more deeply you understand yourself, the more deeply you’ll understand others. Our patterns, desires, and fears tend to be quite similar in nature.
There are plenty of ways to develop influential emotional intelligence. Below, I’ll cover 3 of the most potent ways that I’ve personally used and taught to help you master your emotions. These are all focused on bringing awareness to yourself to help you change your relationship to your inner world.
· Vipassana Meditation – There are a variety of meditations out there, each with their own unique purpose. Vipassana meditation specifically focuses on bringing awareness and equanimity (non-judgement) towards the sensations you experience in your body. The consistent practice of this meditation can help you in many ways. It can help you become more grounded, let go of judging your emotional experiences, and develop loving compassion. It also helps create space between you and your feelings, so you identify much less with them. (a major challenge most people who lack EQ have) There are plenty of options on YouTube to check out, or you can do a rigorous 10-day silent meditation retreat. These are 100% donation based and teaches the depth of this practice.
· Journaling – I’ve seen everything under the sun in the variety of journaling methods out there. When it comes to mastering EQ, journaling your personal observations of your patterns, triggers, and emotions is the best method I’ve found. Specifically, focusing on events that triggered strong emotional reactions throughout your day. You’ll also find a lot of value in writing out the behaviors and emotions that followed the initial trigger. This will give you a full understanding of your patterns. When you write, it’s important you do so in a non-judgmental manner while focusing on the behavior without identifying with it. This helps you create space to start letting go of unwanted patterns and start creating new patterns you’d like to install. It also helps you master the final potent way of mastering your EQ…
· Authentic Expression – Your emotions, patterns, and resulting behaviors you display aren’t really you. They’re different “masks” you wear that you identify with in your psyche. Many times, the expressions and behaviors that come from this tend to blame or project your feelings on to others. This isn’t what you’re looking for. Being vulnerable and taking responsibility for your feelings is the type of authentic expression you’re shooting for. Owning your feelings without blaming others does a few things. This helps you build a deep sense of trust with others. Most people are resistant and afraid to take their masks off and be vulnerable. When you do it first, you become relatable and make it safe for them to be real with you. This also helps you build patterns that are self-accepting, which builds your self-esteem. Trust, relatability, and attractiveness make you a powerful influence on others.
Use these 3 tools wisely. Consistency with these practices can help you dramatically improve many parts of your life. Self-esteem is one of the biggest areas you can experience transformational growth. This has a domino effect of impact on dating, relationships, work, personal fulfillment, and influence as well.
What are some of the ways you’ve improved your emotional intelligence? Feel free to share your experiences in the comment section below.