April 19

4 Common Mistakes Men Make When Being Vulnerable

Being vulnerable is an incredibly powerful way to make real connections with friends, family, and women.  We feel connected by honest emotional expression. It’s endearing and charming because of how raw, real, and authentic it is. As a result, being vulnerable creates trust and depth in our relationships.

Everyone experiences the vast range of feelings life has to offer, yet so few are willing to show it.  From our deepest pains, to resistance, fear, sadness, joy, anger, attraction, pride, courage, love, peace, and everything in between.  This is why any real, honest expression of emotion is welcomed by others. They get it, because they experience it too.  

In the context of dating, vulnerability is addicting to women.  It’s literally like drugs to them. Women play in the land of emotion, and men who know how to speak their language are rare. The men who have the most women in their lives, tend to have a great relationship with themselves and their emotions.  This is what allows them to be present with any moment that comes up, own their feelings, remain grounded, and create powerful emotional connections with the women they like.  When it’s done right, it’s magical. When it isn’t, it’s well…ummm, cringeworthy.  

There are 4 common mistakes men make that prevent them from being truly vulnerable. I’ve listed them below so you can make more magical moments rather than cringeworthy ones.

  • Expectations –  When you’re trying to be “vulnerable” with the intention of getting something from the other person, you’re no longer authentically expressing yourself.  The expectation itself is being hidden, and unless you’re expressing them, you’re not really being vulnerable. Women can feel the difference pretty easily.  They are masters of subtlety, and any shifts in your energy, micro-expressions, and body language can be sniffed out immediately. If you’re trying to make vulnerability “work” for you to get a result, then you’ll have it backfire on you badly.  This would be manipulation rather than vulnerability. It’s not a technique. It’s a way of being to help you learn how to accept yourself as you are. This acceptance of yourself is the gift that attracts women to you.  
  • Sugar coating it – another way of putting this is half-assing it.  This was personally my biggest challenge that I had to overcome over the last few years.  If you’re going to be vulnerable, it’s going to have to be the fullness of your expression.  Sugar coating it is simply non-acceptance of it. If you’re not accepting yourself, it’s not being vulnerable.  Just like expectations, it feels like you’re hiding something and have an agenda. Women are mirrors to who we’re being.  In other words, she’s going to reflect back the same type of energy you’re giving to her. When you’re holding back, she will likely hold back too, or simply reject your approach.
  • Apologetic expression – similar to sugar coating your expression, apologizing for your feelings is just another form of non-acceptance.  The common tendency for this is feeling guilt or shame around having the feeling in the first place. What it feels like to women is that you want their sympathy or for them to validate your feelings in some way.  Being vulnerable means owning your feelings. You have to take responsibility for them because they’re yours. No filter, no apologies.  
  • Not feeling what you’re actually expressing – another way of looking at this is talking from your head.  This happens when you say the words, but everything else in your body doesn’t line up with it because you’re rising above the feeling.  Your posture, your facial expression, your eye contact, all scream incongruent with your words. Imagine telling a girl you want to tear her clothes off and f*** her brains out, but you’re not feeling turned on at all in the moment.  This is inauthentic, and can come off as very creepy. Women are looking at who you’re being, not just the words you’re saying. The words you say have to be felt, otherwise they’ll fall flat.

If you’re struggling with being vulnerable, check in with yourself to see which of these 4 common mistakes you might be making. Once you identify it and let it go, you should see a massive shift in how you feel when you express yourself, and how women respond to you as a result.


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