April 28

6 First Date Tips That are Actually Useful

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First dates can be daunting, nerve wracking experiences.  With so much (terrible) advice out there on what to do, what to say, and where to go, I thought I’d cut through the BS and give you some powerful tips that help you remain authentic to yourself, and help you (and your date) have more fun.  After all, isn’t that what dating is supposed to be?

  • Pick something(s) that’s fun for YOU – a big mistake many men make is they try too hard to figure out what the girl wants to do instead of making a decision themselves.  With dating, women want to be in their feminine, and want you to make the decision. The best thing you can do is to pick something that’s fun for you, and invite her to that.  If you enjoy tea in your favorite cafe, awesome! If you like mini-golf, take her there. Do you like wine and intimate conversation, perfect! You make the invitation, and if she’s strongly opposed to it (ex: she doesn’t drink), then you can go to your backup option.  Either way, you lead, she follows. Have her join the adventure of YOUR life on this date. That’s what she wants.  
  • Sit next to her – if you’re going to a venue where you’ll be seated, make sure you’re sitting next to her.  This is a date, not an interview. You want this to be fun and intimate, and a massive table between you kills that vibe.  When you’re sitting next to her, the exchange of emotions is more palpable, and it feels more romantic.  
  • Physical flirting – while you’re sitting next to her, make sure there’s some light physical intimacy as well.  Flirting is a must, but you don’t want it to be shy with your touch. The best way to do this is to practice feeling your body and enjoying her presence.  As your sharing, flirting, being playful and chatting, incorporate some light, playful touch into your communication. Light hugs, holding her hand, touching her arm when you make a point, or being leg to leg when you’re getting more intimate are all great ways to flirt with touch.  If you go from one venue to another, put your elbow out, or hold her hand as you walk there. Take the lead in the dance of seduction with your touch. NOTE: it’s important that this isn’t coming from your head.  You don’t want to be thinking about this, you want to be feeling, enjoying, and being in the flow of the connection.  
  • Be open and vulnerable – it’s fine to share some facts about your life. But the real reason you’re both there is to exchange some emotions with one another.  Chemistry comes from emotions. Being intimate requires openness and vulnerability. Share some real stories about your life with feeling.  Your greatest joys, passions, and dreams are a great place to start.  So are some of your rough edges, and life lessons that shaped who you are.  Express your feelings in the moment as they come up. If you’re feeling nervous, express it! If you’re feeling turned on by her, own it!  Women love raw, authentic men.  
  • Be honest about what you’re looking for – a lot of men hold back on this part.  Most men are afraid to really share what they’re looking for because they’re afraid of the potential rejection.  This is a mistake for 2 reasons. First, if you are on completely different planets with what you’re looking for, then you’ll waste both yours and her time. The other reason is that women actually love your raw honesty and clarity. You’ll be shocked how often a woman will meet you where you’re at when you’re honest – especially when she likes you! I usually bring this topic up myself in the first 30 minutes of the date as we’re enjoying each other.  The more open, honest, real you’re being, the more likely it is she’ll like you enough to meet you where you’re at. Even if she doesn’t, the goal is to accept yourself and treat what you want as an invitation for her. If she declines, that’s totally okay!  If she accepts, then you get to date on your terms.
  • Kiss her – a big caveat here is IF you like her and feel turned on by her.  Fear may come up. Resistance might rear its head. But if you have the desire to kiss her, you need to sack up and go for it.  This is completely feeling based and in the moment. When you start thinking, “I should kiss her” or “should I kiss her”, it was probably time to already a few minutes ago.  When I start experiencing these feelings, I’ll usually start shifting my focus towards feeling more enjoyment and turn on for her. I’ll quiet down, look deep into her eyes, and sub-communicate exactly what I’m feeling to her.  I usually will lean in and go for it then. If she turns her cheek, or moves away, lean back, relax, and don’t over analyze it. Sometimes she may be hesitant to kiss in public, or she’s not quite ready yet.  That’s okay, move on to something else, and you can try again later. I’d also encourage you to invite her back to your place if you’re having a good time. This usually is best done just after you’ve kissed and expressed some of your ‘turn on.’ But if you’re both enjoying the moment on your date, you can invite her then and you’ll be surprised how often women say yes!  Make sure you express any hesitation or fear if it comes up. It’s important you’re being fully vulnerable along with your desire to invite her back to your place.  

With these tips in hand, you can display your grounded masculine edge while having more fun and showing your date(s) a great time.  

I’d love to hear back from you with you what you think.  Share your experiences below in the comments!


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