There is no denying that the world has changed significantly (and continues to do so) at an alarming pace. There was a time where the tribal leaders would create rituals, challenges, and initiations for young early teenage boys to enter the ranks of the masculine men.
These events would test the emotional fortitude of these young soon-to-be men, push them to their edges, and allow them the opportunity to gain the valuable experiences necessary to strengthen the next generation of the group. These young boys were tested in harsh conditions to be more present, grounded, and focused. As a result, these young men became more prepared to handle the tension of any challenge that may come their way.
In the modern world, shit’s changed. I won’t go into all the nuances and history lessons here as to how and why, but it’s obviously different. We no longer have these same rituals and initiations. For example, think of your own father for a moment. Did he have to endure through these rigorous rituals and pass them on to you? My dad didn’t. It’s not their fault, our parents did their best, and so did their parents before them. We are the byproduct of a very different way in raising boys into men.
We have easy access to tons of comfort and short-term pleasures that cut the knees of our self-esteem and our masculinity. What sounds easier, watching porn or stepping into the tension of talking to that girl you like? Is it more comfortable to watch Netflix or go to the gym? Would you rather scroll through social media, or start working on that side business you’ve been wanting to start? You get the point.
Most men seek the easy, comfortable way out as often as possible. As a result, men have lost their grounded masculine edge. They’re more people pleasing “nice guys” who are too afraid to step into the tensions of women, purpose, and living authentically. Don’t get me wrong, there is a part of them that wants to go back to their natural, masculine core, but deep down they’re afraid. I know, because I was one of these men for a long time.
Action is king, there’s no way around it. If you want to be more masculine and grounded, you have to take conscious steps to undo your fearful conditioning. Below you’ll find 3 powerful ways to help you reclaim your masculine edge to live a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
- Seek challenge – comfort kills growth and neuters your masculinity. It slowly lulls you into a gradual, downhill march to death. Challenge on the hand, makes you feel alive. It pushes the edges of our “comfort zone” and triggers a wide array of stored emotions in our body. Challenge creates tension. Our fears, apathy, hurt, pain, joy, love, excitement all get shaken up and we get an awesome opportunity to learn how to be present with these experiences, take them in, and become more grounded in ourselves. Challenges forces you to become more self-aware, present, and grounded in the face of the tension. There are all types of ways we can seek challenges and step into tension. Every part of your life will present new challenges for you to move towards. Go to the gym and start setting specific health goals. Try a new hobby like painting, Muay Thai, salsa dancing, or yoga. Take cold showers. Start a side hustle. Approach women that both scare you and inspire you. The more you embrace challenge and show yourself you can handle it, the more grounded and calm you will become in the presence of your emotions, doubts, and limiting beliefs. As a result, you’ll become more grounded and masculine.
- Purpose – What type of work is meaningful to you? What really connects to your deepest sense of self, your highest values, and genuinely energizes you? These are important questions to contemplate on to help move you towards a deeper purpose in your life. Sometimes that might start with just figuring out what components you really deeply enjoy. When I was in sales, I didn’t like every aspect of the job. I did however, enjoy helping others, especially my prospective clients and their businesses. I also enjoyed coaching my employees when I was a sales manager. Seeing them improve, come to new realizations, and grow into bigger roles gave me an inner sense of fulfillment to be part of their success (and failures/learning experiences). Becoming aware of these components will help you get more clear so you start moving towards work that energizes you. This to me is the most valuable thing you do in your life because it connects to your best version of self and is action through that highest self.
- Deepen your awareness – becoming more grounded in who you are means you have to know deep down who you are. You have many parts to your psyche, your identity, and yet you are none of these parts. The more aligned you become with your awareness, the more space you can create to see the real you. Through awareness, we can begin letting go of our old concept of identity and self. This includes a lot of our past trauma, fears, hurt, and pain. This is a necessary step to drop our attachments and aversions in order to break free of our self-imposed inner limitations. This is a process of integration on the parts of ourselves that we reject, are underdeveloped, and in our shadow. Some great ways to do this is through Vipassana meditation, emotional welcoming/releasing work, and surrender. (The Real Masculine’s Self-Paced Transformation Course goes in depth on these areas and more)
Giving up the life of comfort may be difficult at first. But investing in these 3 areas will not only unleash your grounded masculine edge, but create a significant boost in your overall fulfillment of every part of your life.
What new challenges are you taking on to become more masculine? Feel free to respond below in the comments section with your thoughts.