I don’t believe there are any magic pills out there that would “solve” your dating life. I fully subscribe to consistent practice of self-acceptance. This starts with emotionally authentic expression, and personal enjoyment. These are the best methods I use (and teach) to build a healthy relationship to yourself and with women.
With that said, IF there were a magic pill, it would be getting very comfortable playing with sexual tension around women you like. Most women complain that men suck at flirting, and to be fair, they’re right. I’ve talked to hundreds of women who tell me how deprived they feel of the emotional rush that comes from a man who understand the subtlety of sexual tension. It’s extremely rare. This is the secret sauce naturals, bad boys, and great seducers have that makes them so irresistible to women. Women get a rare experience from these types of men that few can provide. In other words, many women will overlook a lot of other things if you get this part right. This doesn’t mean you have to be an asshole, but mastering the part they’re getting right (sexual tension) is a must.
This is one of the most highly requested topics I get asked about from my followers. As a result, the next 5 blog posts will cover different aspects of building and playing with sexual tension. This will help you get more comfortable with your sexuality and flirt in a more embodied, congruent way.
Let’s start with the basic premise that everything I’m sharing with you will be a lot more effective when you can feel your “turn on” in the presence of women. This is the area 3-5 inches below your belly button. Even if you’re not fully there, each of these areas will still help you create and handle more tension with women.
Today, I’d like to talk about eye contact. The eyes are the windows to the soul. Eye contact is one of the most intimate ways you can connect with a woman. The intimacy sparks feelings in both your body and hers. This allows a vulnerable emotional exchange to unfold between the two of you when you’re present with the tension, and open.
Your ability to maintain a steady gaze during this emotional exchange tells her a lot about you. In a primal sense, it tells her you have sexual interest in her. It also tells her you’re confident and trust yourself. As a result, it gives her a sense of confidence and trust in you as well. What further amplifies this experience is when you feel sexual and turned on by her as you look into her (more on that later).
Let me share a quick story. A few years ago I went to Cancun for spring break for a bootcamp. While out on the main strip outside of the nightclub Coco Bongo, I saw two women hanging around my coach. He was locked in with one of the women, and there were 4 other guys around her friend attempting to dance with her. I walked into the group, gently pulled her in, and looked deeply into her eyes. I paused for a moment, then said “hi, who are you?” with a cocky grin.
She immediately smiled, relaxed, and fully locked in with me. It was as if everything around us completely faded in the background. It was just us two in our own little bubble. We continued to chat, flirt, and eventually walked to another bar with her friend and my coach. We danced, kissed, and everything seemed effortlessly smooth between us.
Later as I was looking into her eyes, she mentioned how she really liked the way I looked at her. She told me the second I came to talk to her, she noticed the way I locked my eyes into her, and she loved it. She felt turned on and safe in my presence. As a result, I made her feel at ease to be intimate with me very quickly. She also happened to be a 19 years, Ukrainian, and a self-admitted “prude”.
To be completely honest, there was more at play than just my eye contact. There almost always will be in the art of sexual tension. But the best way to learn is to practice one thing at a time and get really good at it. Moving forward, I’d highly encourage you to start practicing holding steady eye contact with everyone you interact with, especially attractive women. Do it while relaxing your body and being aware of what you’re feeling. This doesn’t need to be an intense staring contest. Just allow yourself to be conscious of your body and present with the connection at the eyes.
This foundational piece to seduction is the first step into mastering your sexual tension skills with women. Once you get comfortable with this first step, the next will be to connect to the sexual feelings in your body and let it guide your gaze. This will move you towards expressing sexual intent through your eyes without having to explicitly say it. When that happens, women will usually start responding much more positively in your interactions. Remember, feeling is the secret to seduction, and feeling sexual is the juice that ignites the tension.