May 14

How to Build Sexual Tension Part 2 – Physical Proximity

In our last piece, I introduced the beginning of our “How to Build Sexual Tension” series with a focus on eye contact.  If you haven’t read that yet, I’d recommend you click here to check that out first.  

In today’s piece, we move on to part 2 in the series, focusing on proximity.  As we discussed last time, playing with sexual tension is an art that requires you to do two things.  First, you need to be able to feel sexual turn on in your body in the presence of women. The second part is being able to naturally play with the tension by increasing or decreasing it in the flow of your interactions.  The more natural, confident, and comfortable you are doing this, the more receptive women will be towards you. This happens with eye contact, your physical proximity to her, and with all other ways you’ll learn in this series.   

Proximity is a powerful way of amplifying or reducing the sexual tension between you and her.  The closer you physically get to her, the higher the tension will get. Conversely, the further you are from her, the lower the tension is.  Your ability to naturally spike and reduce this tension takes her on an emotional roller coaster with you. This is in large part what gets her addicted to being around you. It also presupposes a lot of things about you to her.  

The reality is, most men are sub-communicating uncertainty, fear, and weakness to attractive women.  Despite feeling attraction for her, they keep their distance, or become reactive when they get too close. When you’re comfortable feeling your attraction for her and being physically close, she looks at you a lot differently than the average man she talks to. Within the closer proximity, she gets to feel more of you. There are more sparks of emotions rushing through her body. As a result, she’ll view you as higher value, sexually confident, and masculine.  

I’ll share a quick story.  About 2 years ago, I was walking into the mall to approach some women.  On my way in, I caught eyes with a sexy young woman that was leaving for the parking lot.  I decided to run ahead of her and stop her to say hi. As I did, we were no more than about a foot apart from one another.  Instantly we both felt a resonance of massive sexual tension between us. Our eyes were locked in, we flirted, laughed, and she excitedly gave me her number. 

We agreed to meet the next day for frozen yogurt.  As we found a table, I made sure that we sat right next to each other to continue playing with the sexual tension.  Again, we both felt a massive wave of sexual tension throughout the entire date. We flirted, teased each other, and I’d whisper dirty things into her ears. Moments later I’d playfully push her away. This dance when on for an hour until we were passionately hooking up at my place.

Afterwards, I asked her what her initial impression of me was (something I do with most women I get involved with). She told me she felt nervous and turned on by me. A big reason why was because I was so comfortable getting physically close to her from the outset.  She even told me that most guys she meets act like “pussies” who are too nice. She complained that they don’t really take risks around her, and this turned her off.

Breaking the “normal” social barriers with proximity is therefore essential.  You need it to show your sexual confidence and make it clear that your intentions in her are romantic.  The first step is to start getting comfortable relaxing your body with your feelings in closer proximity to attractive women.  I’d recommend you start doing this from the outset of your initial approaches. Work on increasing the tension by getting within 1.5-2 feet from her if you’re face to face.  Some women will back away initially, especially when you’re not very grounded. If this happens, take a small step back and continue your interaction from there. If you continue expressing yourself authentically, and enjoy her, there will be ample opportunity to move closer.  Many times she may do it herself.  

If you’re in a bar or club, you can get extremely close from the outset.  This is the social norm because the music is loud and these places are packed. It’s totally acceptable to move closer to speak to them to them as a result.  On your dates, I’d recommend you to sit next to them instead of across from them. This too opens up more opportunity to play with the sexual tension in closer proximity.

These are all level 1 of course.  The next level is being able to intentionally play with this sexual tension in your interactions and dates.  I’ll share a disclaimer with you here – it’s important you’re doing this in the rhythm of playfulness, fun, and feeling sexual rather than a technique to get a reaction.  Your intention matters most. With that said, an example of this is to get closer to her to whisper something flirty in her ear, then slowly move away to a normal range. Another example is to get closer to her face as you tease her, flirt, or tell her what you want to do to her, only to pull away again right after.  There are many more ways you can play with this sexual tension, especially when we include touch (more on that later in this series).  

For now, this will be a great starting place to begin working on building more sexual tension through physical proximity.  I’ll advise you to do the same thing I recommended with practicing your eye contact – practice this with focus until you’re grounded with physical proximity. Once you do, focus on getting more grounded in feeling sexual in the same proximity to amplify the tension. 


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