In our previous installment of the “How to Build Sexual Tension” series, we covered physical proximity. Today, we’ll dive deep into the power of vocal tonality. As a reminder, feeling sexual (or turned on) is what we use to guide the actions and sub-communications. The frequency in which we dial it up and down is what lets us play with that sexual tension effectively.
The projection of your vocal tone is an honest signal to women about your confidence, self-esteem, and “perceived high value”. In fact, everything you sub-communicate through eye contact, physical proximity, vocal tonality, and more demonstrate this. The common mistake most men make is they try and mimic “what works” rather than embody it. For example, a rapport breaking voice is more challenging and dominant by nature than a rapport seeking voice. But if you’re using this to strategically “try” to create attraction, this will not work well. The same goes for eye contact and physical proximity. Women can sniff this type of inauthentic behavior a mile away. Even worse, it hurts your self-esteem when you force your behavior in opposition to how you actually feel. Congruence is key.
Your voice tone will naturally mirror how you feel inside. If you feel sad, and allow it, your voice will sound sad. If you feel angry or disagree, your voice will break rapport or have some charge to it. Forcing your voice into different tones that you’re not feeling is a waste of time. What’s more important is getting really embodied around the feelings in your body around women. This means to learn how to feel, accept, and enjoy the wide range of emotions you experience, including sexual attraction. This allows you to gain access to consciously bring up any emotion, and use that to guide your voice.
Now that you have some context, let’s talk shop. Your voice will start to deepen naturally when you gain access to the feelings of sexual turn on in your loins. Now if you’re numb in this area, or feel heavy, you have some inner work to do to open it up. If that sounds like you, check out my Inner Calm Mastery Course, where I share a natural process you can use to let go of that sexual shame. Once you let it go, your voice naturally becomes a powerful tool to penetrate her with your sexual desire.
I’ll share a quick story to give you context. A few years ago I began moving away from “pickup” and exploring raw, authentic expression. Before this, I had spent most of life suppressing most of my feelings, especially my sexual ones. For this reason, my loins felt generally numb in my approaches. When I would approach women, I wasn’t getting access to my “cock energy” to fully express my sexual desire. I would say the right words but my voice tone wasn’t aligned with what I was saying. I would give compliments and try flirting, but my natural voice tone was too friendly. This resulted in any nice, platonic interactions that ended with flakey numbers.
This all rapidly changed in early 2018 as I began letting of my shame around expressing my sexual desires. For example, I was in Cabo for a bachelor party early last year. While at a pool party, I saw a beautiful woman with an hourglass body in the pool. I felt an immediate spark in my loins, so I allowed that feeling to fully take over me. I walked towards her, said “hi” in a low, sexual, penetrating voice, and she immediately began giggling nervously.
The sexual tension was consistently high so my voice naturally stayed penetrating and sexual. Yet, I had full control to dial it up, and dial it down as I pleased throughout our interaction. One minute I would lean in, whisper something dirty in her ears, then lean back out and start having normal conversation. My voice jolted her up, and then brought her back down over and over. After 20 minutes of this back and forth, the tension got so high that she broke it by kissing me! I immediately got rock hard, and I seductively whispered in her ear, “I want to fuck your brains out”. Without hesitation, she grabbed me by the hand and led me to her room.
This became a regular, and consistent experience for me as soon as I became sexually embodied. Playing with sexual tension became natural and effortless as a result. The words I said came with sexual charge, so it didn’t matter all that much what they were. My voice tone (along with my eye contact and physical proximity) sub-communicated everything implicitly.
One practice that can help get you started with this is practicing the “hip rock”. First, stand up straight, and relax your body and anus. Then slowly rock your hips back and forth while bringing awareness to your loins 3”-5” below your belly button. This subtle movement helps to circulate your energy in your turn on, and stir up stuck emotions. Whatever feelings come up, welcome it. Say yes to it, and don’t resist. Doing this for about 10 minutes a day can help you start feeling your sexual center much better. It can also help you process some of the sexual shame you’re carrying around.
Once you start feeling your turn on, I’d practice connecting your sexual voice with the feeling as well. You’ll know you’re doing it right when your voice feels like it makes your turn on vibrate or amplify further. As we discussed in the previous parts of this series, this works best in combination with each other. The better you get at naturally putting them all together, the more they sound like a beautiful orchestra.