Welcome back to the “How to Build Sexual Tension” series. If this is your first time reading about it, I’d recommend you start with Part 1 – Eye Contact and follow it in order.
In part 4 of our series, we’ll be talking about touch. In my view, physical touch is the most powerful way you create sexual tension. We compared each of these ways to a musical instrument in a band or orchestra. Physical touch is like the lead guitarist of the rock band that is your sexual energy.
I know I’ve beaten this into your skull numerous times, but feeling your sexual turn on is crucial. It’s the difference between your touch feeling creepy vs feeling addictively good to her. You obviously want to be in the latter camp. What mostly keeps guys in the “creepy” bucket is:
- Lacking empathy. This covers the vast majority of guys who fall in the creepy bucket. Men who lack empathy will touch way too much, miss clear signs of resistance or discomfort from women, or touch in an uninviting way. Treat your touch as an invitation. If she’s pulling away or looks uncomfortable, slow down. She’s a human being with feelings, insecurities, and may not trust you yet. Pay attention.
- Overthinking. These are the guys who are planning out every one of their moves or overly focused on following a specific strategy. This feels forced and try-hard. Get out of your head and feel your body, specifically your heart and turn on.
- They’re uncomfortable with touch/not touching at all. This usually happens with the “nice-guys”. When you feel uncertain, resistant, and uncomfortable to touch her, that’s the way your touch ends up feeling to her too. When you feel turned on, clear, and open hearted, your touch will usually feel really good to a woman. This makes women feel safe and turned on at the same time.
As I’ve hinted above, being embodied is the best way to use touch. When you enjoy her, have an open heart, and feel turned on, your touch feels natural and congruent. It gives her a jolt of your attraction for her and amplifies the sexual tension.
Let me tell you a quick story.
In the summer of 2018, I visited Barcelona for a week. The very first day, I woke up early in the morning to go tour the city. As I was walking past the Arc de Triumf, I noticed a cute Easter European redhead walking by me. I felt a surge of turn on in my loins, and approached her.
We instantly hit it off, and thankfully she was visiting Spain from Serbia herself. We walked around the park, then sat on the bench. She has lots of jewelry on her hand, so with curiosity I gently grabbed her hand and asked her about it. I could tell this began to turn her on because she began leaning in and talking more nervously.
Afterwards, she invited me to lunch at a restaurant she liked. As we began walking, I felt the urge to hold her hand. I put my hand out while looking into her eyes with a sense of certainty that she’d grab it, and she did. As we walked to the restaurant, we continued to talk, vibe, and enjoy each other’s company. I teased her for seducing me, and she played along.
On the way to the restaurant, we got lost, so we stopped at a street corner to figure it out where we were. While was looking at her phone for directions, I started feeling more and more turned on by how sexy she looked. She saw me looking into her and playfully smiled. I took one step into her, grabbed her hips, and passionately kissed her.
We sat next to each other outside for lunch. While eating, our conversations began leading towards sexual topics. We talked past relationships, our kinks, and more. This led to a provocative back and forth that gave me a rock hard boner. At this point, I looked her in the eyes, leaned in, and whispered in her ears, “look what you’re doing to me”. I grabbed her hand, and gently placed it in between my legs, and told her how badly I wanted her. She became so turned on that she turned beat red, and immediately agreed to go back to my AirBnB.
After we had our fun, I asked her what attracted her to me the most. She felt most turned on by how bold and confident I was when I grabbed her hand and when I kissed her.
With touch, it’s all about letting things unfold in the flow of the moment. The more you get attuned to your feelings, the more natural it feel to intuitively hold her hand, go for the kiss, or take things further. It will also tell you when to pull back, to dial it down, and to create space for the tension to build up again.
The best way to practice this is through experience. Feel your turn on, enjoy women, and trust your intuition.