Around 4 out of every 5 men who get into personal development to improve their dating lives end up quitting within 12 months. The most common reasons are that they either settle, get burned out, or simply give up because the work is “too hard”. I can resonate with this, because I’ve gone through all 3 of these phases and almost gave up myself.
Growth usually doesn’t go in a straight line, it has it’s ebbs and flows. Every period of major growth is usually met with resistance that needs to be processed. As a result, there are periods of integration and pullback that need to be worked through. This happens with every new sticking point, emotional blockage, or limiting belief you hit. For this reason, a great strategy for learning how to grow can be just as important as the methods you’re using to improve your dating life.
Most men would obviously prefer to grow faster and date their ideal girl sooner. Below, I’ll cover several key strategies you can use now to help you do just that.
- Accept your starting point
There isn’t some magical destination that tells you you’re good enough to accept yourself. It just doesn’t work that way. In order for you to grow, you need to accept where you’re at right now. You can’t change what’s happened to get you here. There’s no point in judging where you are and belittling your starting point. No starting point is good or bad. The seedling isn’t any better or worse than the tree. Accepting and appreciating the man you are now allows you to do the same as you grow into the best version of you. On the contrary, non-acceptance hinders your growth and will keep you stuck. Everything below this list is maximized when you fully accept yourself as you are now.
- Action & experience > knowledge
Gaining some knowledge in the understanding of seduction is important. However, it’s usually overblown as to how much you actually need. Reading and watching content only gives you surface level learnings. There are a few basic fundamentals that are important to grasp such as authentic expression, enjoyment, and owning your sexuality. Beyond this, gaining lots of experience through action is your best teacher. This is because action and experience allows you to challenge your emotional reality and limiting beliefs at a deeper level. These experiences are what help you understand yourself better and build self-esteem. This also helps you become more emotionally grounded in the presence of attractive women.
- Embrace challenge (and rejection)
You want to find a sweet spot with challenging yourself without going overboard or making it too easy. If you look at it from a scale of 1-10, being in the 4-7 range would be the sweet spot. Taking on challenges with the right amount of tension will help you trigger the repressed emotions you need to process. Embracing rejection as part of a healthy process will help you learn to not take things personally. They aren’t anyway (more on that another time). As a result, you’ll become more grounded and calm.
- Focus on enjoyment & curiosity
What your mind focuses on expands. For example, approaching women looking to get a specific result and not getting it can lead to “beating yourself up”. This leads to overly focusing on all of your “mistakes”, which will lead to feeling pain with approaching women. On the other hand, focusing on what went well in your interaction without having a particular outcome in mind will help you connect enjoyment to approaching women. I would start by focusing on these 3 key areas: enjoying her presence, being genuinely curious about her, and saying everything you wanted to say without holding back. When you do this, you’ll have more fun while building your self-esteem up. As a result, getting positive momentum becomes much easier. Aside from that, you’ll feel a lot more empowered with this focus as it’s completely in your control.
- Be open with EVERYONE
One caveat I’ll add to enjoyment and curiosity is to explore it with everyone. This includes men, couples, kids and women of any shape, age, or attractiveness level. It doesn’t matter. Be the guy that’s open with everyone. Be the guy that’s accepting towards everyone. This has a powerful effect that helps you remove judgement of others, and no longer puts women above or below you. The most obvious effect of this is that you’ll no longer put beautiful women on a pedestal because of their looks.
- Be consistent
It’s more effective to approach 2 girls a day than it is to approach 14 girls in 1 day. Being consistent is also a lot easier when you’re enjoying the process. Consistency is what helps you build positive habits. Pair that with finding enjoyment with most of your experiences and your dating life will soon skyrocket. This is because you’re building connections in your mind that produce “good feelings” with doing the work. This prevents burnout and feeling like it’s “too hard”. A fair warning now just to level expectations. In the early stages of taking action, it may feel emotionally heavier and difficult. This is because you’re challenging a lot of limiting beliefs, stories, and repressed emotions with these actions. This is a normal “pain period” for most men. Just remember that all you need is a few sparks of enjoyment to get the fire going.
- Let go of your old identity and embrace your new reality
Every time you level up, you’ll be faced with having to let go of an old identity and its reality. It’s crucial at these junctions that you let go of the old “you” and accept your new reality as an attractive man that women love being around. Your calm acceptance of it is what closes the chapter on your previous identity and starts this new one. Earlier I mentioned the resistance that comes with major periods of growth. This will usually be your old identity fighting to keep you from embracing this new you. It’s not trying to do this to sabotage you, it genuinely thinks it’s helping you by keeping your “safe”. Make sure you’re giving it love and understanding when you experience these moments. This will make letting it go a lot easier.
Do you have any tips you could share on what’s helped you grow faster in your dating life? Please share them below in the comments section.