If you’ve made beyond the “approach anxiety” phase, a new problem you might be dealing with is having consistently great interactions with women. For a very long time, this was a major struggle for me. Maybe this experience resonates with you. The moment you see a girl you like, your energy shifts and you feel all your inner triggers going off. Your fears, your feelings of unworthiness, your resistance to meet her all goes off. Your desire and sexual attraction are also there, but it feels insignificant in comparison. The urge to avoid is much stronger than the urge to approach. Even when you do, you feel out of control, and your interactions feel messy, and forced.
There’s a reason this is all happening to you. What’s happening is your making this experience personal. You’re making the moment all about you. Your fear of rejection. Your attachment to the outcome. Getting a number, date, sex, or validation from this girl. Your energy is in full on take-mode. This is highly common with many men, and it’s no wonder that so many guys stay stuck in their dating lives. This mindset is overly ego-centric and needy.
There are several important shifts you can make internally to break this me-centric cycle and start having amazing interactions with women.
I’ll start with some context before we go into the details.
13.8 billion years ago, the universe exploded into reality in what was the “big bang.” Over the course of the time, some insane, amazing, shit happened. All by itself, the universe expanded, created natural elements through small little atoms that created galaxies, stars, and planets.
Eventually, 4.54 billion years ago, Earth was created. Between then, and now, innumerable things occurred all by themselves, moment by moment, for you to be exactly where you are at this moment, reading this post. The same is true for each and every one of your ‘traumas’, rejections, successes, failures, first kiss, first love, heartbreaks, and every other moment of your life.
What I’m trying to say here is, life isn’t personal. All of your beliefs, self-perceptions, and stories are formed off of moments you experience. At the same time you’re experiencing a single moment, there are trillions of other moments happening at the same time. That means your data point for all of your beliefs, stories, and self-perceptions are a mere 1/10000000000000th of a data point. Almost zero.
Instead of appreciating an amazing moment in front of you with all of the ridiculously crazy shit the universe went through before YOU existed and that had to happen to get to that very moment, you’re making it about you. You’re personalizing it. That’s ego.
It doesn’t have to be this way of course. There’s a better way that can create amazing moments with women, and help you let go of the emotional triggers that are blocking you from doing so.
- Focus on enjoyment – next time when you go out to meet women, or if you’re just out and about for any reason at all, remember everything that had to happen to get you to that moment. Really sit with that and see if you can find an internal appreciation for it. When you see a woman you like, see if you can bring your awareness to the moment. Really take her and let the feelings she inspires out of you flow through you. Relax your body and let it happen. Some of it may be fear, resistance, attraction, or any other combination of emotions. See if you can find enjoyment as well. It will be there, even if it’s a small 1% of it. Focus on that and then go approach her, as you let all the other emotions flow through you as well. Ideally, you want to be getting lower in your body towards your turn on (loins) as this will create more sexual tension. Over time, the heavier emotions will fade and you’ll start experience a lot more fun and enjoyment in your interactions.
- Surrender to the moment – as we talked about, this isn’t personal. Your triggers are your triggers because you chose to make things personal at some point in your life. So instead of resisting the feelings that come up when you see an attractive girl, surrender to it. Relax your body completely as, observe it, and all it to flow through you and out of you. The energy wants to come out, and if you follow the instructions I just provided, you can start to free yourself from your past and all your triggers. You are a witness to life unfolding, it’s not personal. You don’t need to continue making it personal, and surrender will allow you to reverse the habit of doing so. This is what letting go is all about. When you do this with presence, you show up with vulnerability and women LOVE that in a man. Now a real connection can be made and an amazing interaction can unfold.
- Relax – practice staying open and relaxed regardless of what you feel. Your inner calm through the storms of tension will help you become more grounded. The more calm and grounded you are around women, the more they’ll feel safe around you. As a result, this creates a bubble between you both in your interactions where it’ll feel like there’s no one else around you. This is an important element in having great interactions with women. If you tense up and get reactive, she will mirror you and it won’t feel pleasant to her.
Over the course of 2.5 years, focusing on these 3 areas helped me drastically improve my dating life, my interactions with women, and unleash my grounded masculine edge. With consistency and focus, you can do the same.
P.S. The Real Masculine’s Self-Paced Transformation Course covers these concepts and much more in depth. Go check it out if you want to learn the secrets to ‘let go’ of your emotional trauma and unleash your grounded masculine edge to date your ideal girl.